The Butterfly

One evening in 2001, about 11:30pm, I went to bed as usual, tired, ready to sleep. As I lay in bed, in the quietness, I thought about my 86 year old father in the nursing home.

I thought about my recent editing of a video of my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.  During the program at our home church, my brother asked the family and friends gathered if anyone had anything to say about knowing my parents. Since several had spoken before, there was a long pause. He asked again, "Is there anyone else?"  My father jumped up and said, "If nobody wants to talk, I will!"  After a short chuckle from everyone, he proceeded to give his testimony and how God led his life through the Word.

Since my father had dementia and it was difficult to know what he remembered from one minute to the next, I wondered if he remembered that day and his faith. I had played that portion of the videotape to him several weeks before and did not get much of a response.

Anyway, while lying in bed that night, I prayed to God to strengthen and sustain my father's faith in these end times of his life. I also asked God for a sign that my father still believed and understood God's promise for his eternal life. I did not expect an immediate answer, but thought that I would look for some sign when I next saw my father.

By this point, it was almost midnight, but I was no longer sleepy. I figured that I might as well get up for a while longer and went up to the living room and switched on the TV. Flipping through the channels, I came across a commercial where a supermodel had a butterfly sitting on her forehead, flapping his wings. Weird, I thought as I flipped onward.

I flipped to channel 20, KPXM-PAX, which was airing a Christian TV show named Worship. This show had beautiful nature scenes, Christian music, Bible verses and intermittent dialogs. Within a few minutes of its start at midnight, the host came on and gave a short devotional, one part of which spoke direct to me. He gave an illustration from a book titled: "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly".  Another butterfly!  I had to check this book out further, certainly with such a strange title.

I flipped open my laptop which was always connected to the Internet and did a search on "diving bell butterfly" and immediately pulled up several book reviews. The next day my wife found the book at the library for me to read.

The book was written by an editor of a French magazine named Elle (supermodel reference?). Jean-Dominique Bauby had a massive stroke in his brainstem in 1995. He was left in a coma and when he came out of it, he was almost completely paralyzed, in a state called LIS (Locked in Syndrome).  In the past people did not live through this, but today with life support systems, they do for a while. When he woke, he only could see and hear out of his left eye and ear. The only thing he could move was to twitch his left eyelid. Using this movement and help from friends, he actually dictated this book over about a year's time and died two days after it's publication. Unfortunately, I don't think he was a Christian.

The book was about his final days locked in what he calls a diving bell. The 29 chapters and 130 pages alternate between his real life experience in the hospital, coping with his situation, and a dream state where he can flit like a butterfly, traveling the world through his memories.

Possibly, this is what my father was experiencing. He was confined in a nursing home, a wheelchair, and dependent on other's for just about everything. He also flitted like a butterfly through his memories, often talking about something from the far past while not remembering the most recent discussions.

I don't think that the "Butterfly" revelation that Monday night was just a coincidence. It was an answer from God to help me understand my father's situation.  What kind of a story would my father tell? You can be assured that he would want to "talk" about his faith if he could. Read my Father's story.

As a reinforcement of the message, a week later, on my birthday, I received a “Memo from God”.  Actually, this was in the form of an email from a Christian friend with a link to a web page, labeled "Memo from God". The web page had another butterfly, flapping its wings. (The original web that I had linked has changed; this one has the same verse but no butterfly)

(updated 11/21/04)

My father died on January 28, 2004 and left his earthly body for one more glorious in heaven. I had not thought about the butterfly again until I was recently in the hospital with a life threatening illness. My office had a local florist send a floral arrangement to my hospital room. Later that day as I was contemplating my situation, I glanced over at the flowers and noticed a butterfly as part of the arrangement. There was a purple butterfly which blended in with the purple african violets. I sensed the presence of God and confirmation that my father was indeed in his new (butterfly) body in heaven. There is some symbolism here, the metamorphosis of the caterpillar into a new life as a butterfly just as we have a new body waiting for us in heaven.

(updated 1/18/08)

I saw the movie "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" this afternoon. Seems like I may have to read the book again since it has been over 6 years. I don't remember much commentary on the book back then but a Google search today gathered over 600,000 references which you can review for more information.

The butterfly has returned again as well. As a progression of my hospitalization in 2004, I was in the hospital again in May 2007 for a BMT (blood & marrow transplant). While there a young woman delivered me a care bag provided by the Care Partners and Club Butterfly of the Children's Cancer Research Fund. Part of the care package was a butterfly button, a symbol of hope for the fund.